Friday, February 10, 2012

The World According To Glee

I've believed for a long time that life should come with a soundtrack. Oh, and dance numbers. Of course, there has to be costume changes, too. But I digress.

Each time I watch Glee I imagine what my high school days would have been like if I strolled through the hallways singing my heart out over some issue I was presented with. OK, I kind of did. Once. My combo disco/punk number was a show stopper. A little Donna Summer, a little Sid Vicious. Brilliant, I thought. I dare say I invented the glitter bomb that day, but like the Flowbee, my my attorney will tell me "without pictures and chronological evidence, it will be hard to prove in court". What - ever. It would have been fun to have that happen everyday. Just like on Glee.

As an adult I still think each day should be like that. Picture it...you are at work and the boss comes down the hall. In the background is the Imperial Death March (the Darth Vader theme). Or as you get to the Post Office to mail something important, they close the doors as you walk up. Surely, there would be no other choice but breaking into "Wait A Minute, Mr. Postman". That night out with the girls just screams for a "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" montage. Yes, life should be a Glee episode everyday. Even on really tough days.

Today, for example.

Over the last couple of months I've been dealing with some breathing issues. Asthma related, we (my Dr. and I) thought. However, after several tests, it seems there are some rogue swollen lymph nodes in my lung. Actually, there are several. And they are quite large. So, today I met with a pulmonary specialist. If I knew a really good Bollywood song, it would have worked perfectly for her entrance into the exam room. A beautiful, young Indian woman walked in and introduced herself as my doctor. Too beautiful to give me any bad news, surely.

As we got right down to the facts, talking about the masses in my lung, I imagined the lymph nodes getting their own song. Something like Metallica's "Sad But True". How THAT came to mind, I will never know. I've never been a metal head. Yet, there it was. She turned a monitor and I got to see all the results on the computer. She zoomed in and zoomed out, talking about their size, location and which form of technology we would use to "access" them (i.e.biopsy). This is where the Jetson's theme came in. As we went from mass to mass I met George, his boy Elroy (smaller), daughter Judy and Jane (his wife). This is the mass that is going to take my wallet, for sure. Just like in the opening of the cartoon. Jane is going to be the trouble maker. She's attached to George and I just know she wants to leave and go over to another lymph node to create more trouble. That's why SHE gets her own solo number. Queen's "I Want To Break Free". She gets her own costume, too. A leather mini and pink sleeveless top, just like Freddy in the video. I'm keeping an eye on her.

Before long, as we discussed possible causes, the "C" word came up. Cancer.
For a moment all I saw was her lips moving with no sound. I looked back at the monitor, where she was still zooming in and out of the cross section of my lung. Suddenly, one of the masses emerged wearing half a white mask. The room went dark and the "Phantom of the Opera" theme started. Obviously, this was the big, show stopping number where most of the budget of this episode went. The mass began his number. "Sing once again with me, our strange duet. My power over you, grows stronger yet. And though you turn from me, to glance behind, the Phantom of the Operalung is there...inside your chest". Looking back at my doctor I caught up on what she was explaining. Sonar, biopsy, next step surgery for a bigger biopsy if the sonar doesn't give us enough information, PET scan to look at all the lymph nodes in my body to see if anything else is inflamed, random marks elsewhere in the lung that don't seem to be emphysema. None of these topics got a solo, since they really are the chorus line at the moment. Only the key players get a song.

As we finished I must of drifted off in thought. I saw my husband singing "What'll I Do" a la Judy Garland, with a little Bea Arthur. Just a fleeting thought...but I guess it was longer than I thought as my doctor put her hand on my arm and asked if I was OK. "Fine" I replied.  We finished with some pleasantries and I walked alone down a long hall to the waiting room. Now, this hall just begged for a big finish number. So, of course, I went into "Wicked" mode. "Something has changed within me. Something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts. Close my eyes and leap. It's time to try Defying Gravity." Oh yeah, I was in green make up and full on black cape. I was ready to fly off on my broom and conquer this. And then I opened the door to find my husband and good friend Tina waiting for me. Lights changed, signifying a mood change. Spotlights went on their worried faces. A spotlight shined on my fear. I looked up to see Emma Thompson in angel wings on a trapeze saying "Look Up!"(Google "Angels In America") as K.D. Lang's "Calling All Angels" began. It followed me all the way through the slow motion walk outside.

The fresh air helped. The music stopped. Emma was gone. I talked about the possible causes of having the Jetson's in my lungs. We all laughed and spoke in positive words. We hugged, kissed and went to our cars. I had driven alone, so I got in my car and headed for the highway. With no songs. Just a feeling of being glad the doctor was honest. It was a quiet ride home. Not because I feel today was the beginning of the end, but because today was the beginning of a new chapter. Maybe an easy one. Maybe the most difficult one I have ever experienced. Either way, I will have my soundtrack to keep me going. Music, family and lots of friends who are family.

Today was the pilot episode. I plan to have a full season and many more after that. But it won't include Metallica. Seriously. Where the hell did that come from?

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