If you have a family, you know how things can be. Sibling rivalry, aging parents, dysfunctional drama and the bliss of the love you all share. As you get older, you can add niece/nephew drama, great niece/nephew bliss, aging aunts and uncles, and so on. I wouldn't change my family for the world. Not even my redneck, bigoted, hide behind religion, third failing marriage brother. My parents helped make me who I am, and I kind of like me. My brothers made some pretty awesome kids, who are now adults. Not to mention my brothers themselves, because they are kind of cool. Well, maybe not the redneck. He's just kind of lost, but harmless.I love him anyway.
I never thought I would be married and have kids. That just didn't happen for "my kind". But here I am...married. No kids, though. Except our two dogs. Yes, I am one of THOSE dog people. They are like my kids, but I don't dress them in little outfits or talk like a wittle bwaby to them. OK, OK, I call myself and my husband "Daddy", but that's as sappy as it gets. We grew out of the matching leash and collar phase early on, thankfully.
So there you have my family. My parents, three brothers, four nephews, six nieces, one great-nephew, two great-nieces, one great-nephew/niece on the way, and a few nieces and nephews unaccounted for in various countries. (My brothers were in the military at the end of the Vietnam War, what can I say?). Add to that my dogs, husband, his sister, her husband, two nieces, two nephews, and 90/91 year old parents. It's quite a combination.
But wait...there's more! Order before midnight and you'll ALSO get....friends who are like family to us. We have a handful and cherish them like they are blood. Or kin. Or whatever description you use for close family ties. I'd happily give these folks a kidney if they needed it. Or a shoulder to cry on. Cocktail. Place to stay. Make over. You get the idea. We're talking friends for life. Just like family. Except for one small caveat.
Sometimes these friends can hurt you deeper than any biological relative. Maybe that's because you choose to have them as part of your family, instead of just being born into it. When that kind of hurt happens, there are no books to guide you through. There is no self help website to type in a question and get the right answer. You are on your own, with your anger, sadness, despair, questions, disbelief and an unbelievable urge to vandalize their car. Oops, was that out loud? I digress.
It gets really complicated when the friend that hurts you is actually related to other friends who are like family to you. Still with me? It's like dysfunctional dominoes at a family reunion therapy session. One goes down, they ALL go down. You not only get what the first one threw at you, you get the whole family's approach to dealing with conflict. Handed down over so many maladjusted decades it becomes their reality. In essence, you get the defective family special in bulk. Like a trip to a Freudian Costco, but without the cool food samples. Of course, if they fancy themselves the local Kennedy's, or say, the mafia of town, it gets even more frustrating with the added arrogance and sense of self entitlement. Mind you, because of the aforementioned dysfunction, this is all via email and Facebook, of course. Never in person. Even though they are hovering around retirement age and live a stone's throw from you. Sigh. I guess they are too old for anyone to suggest growing up.
Not that this has ever happened to me. OK, it did. Like you couldn't tell. No, I am not perfect. But I was a good friend. I did what a good friend would do. I was honest, up front and I did it like a man. In person. I'll never regret that. I don't regret being friends with them. There were many happy years. I'll always be a little sad they weren't who I thought they were. Or maybe that I didn't hold the place in their lives I thought I did. The anger is gone. The holes are still there. Especially the one their child left in my life. It's like a divorce. All your other friends run around not knowing what to do. Everyone is sensitive, some want to drag the drama on forever, some have no idea it happened.
So, that family thing. I still love my family, biological or otherwise. I'll never stop adding to the circle. But I will think twice about who to trust enough to be in that circle. Maybe I've become the Kennedy's. Naw...they can have it. Too much drama and everyone keeps kicking off.
I'm happy being the Griffin's. A dog with a martini and a baby who plots to do in his mother.
Now THAT is my kind of family!
Love you!
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